H.O.W.L (Horoscopes Only With Love) is a passive agresssive horoscope reading that I post every full moon.
Aries: Mercury, Eris, Chiron, Mars, Saturn, Neptune.
Taurus: Sol, Ceres, Uranus leaving.
Gemini: Uranus entering, Venus.
Cancer: Jupiter.
Leo: N/A
Virgo: N/A
Libra: Makemake.
Scorpio: Haumea, Luna.
Sagittarius: N/A
Capricorn: N/A
Aquarius: Pluto.
Pisces: N/A
The fuck does that all mean?
Aries: Fucking work on yourself. I don't give a shit what you work on, but for the love of god just fucking work on yourself. I don't know if you been saying you finna go to the gym, or start a new book, or like regulate your emotions, but like work on that and don't speak to me until you fucking do.
Taurus: Literally who is not giving you gas money...who is constantly asking you for emotional support and then ignoring you when you need it...why have you been a little pussy ass bitch and haven't cut them out your life yet...stop being a doormat and actually grow a back bone or prepare yourself for the next time this happens because we both know damn well it will.
Gemini: Okay you pissing me off because you for some reason think everything needs to be perfect to the point you are stressing over it. It don't. It don't need to be perfect. Step away from that shit if it is stressing you out and go do something more fucking productive like the damn dishes or deal with the fact you're not perfect.
Cancer: I usually hate you bitch asses but like you're fine. Your head is in the clouds a bit, and I worry that you might get too lost all up in there, but personally it seems like whatever you are thinking about is the right call to then start in real life. It might go well for you and might get you laid. Or complemented at least.
Leo: You been thinking, like hardcore thinking. I don't know what, but you prolly just having some sort of like stereotypical English teacher explaining why curtains are blue type monologue in your brain over something which is good, your brain is strong right now keep that up. Your family and people close to you might need you and they might be a bitch about it tho so like watch out.
Virgo: Controlling little bitch. Fuck you. You're like right, about whatever it is. You have the right plan, the right method, the right opinion, whatever. Congrats. But at this time and place even though you are for once right, you need to acknowledge the fact that sometimes other people should be the one controlling whatever is going on in your space. Maybe save your energy for something that actually matters big time.
Libra: MAKE DAT MONEY/GOALS BABYYYYY. You locking the fuck in, so do your part to make that shit actually happen because the stars and planets cant just do it for you. Talk to whoever the fuck you need to, plan whatever you need to. Lock the fuck in so help me god. Its not gonna happen soon, but it will get to you mark my words.
Scorpio: Why are you so like...sad/mad/egocentric right now fam. Like what is happening. More importantly why are you letting it get to you so much that you are willing to literally burn bridges for it. I'm not saying you're wrong for feeling the way you do, but like I think if you really just take some time off and focus on yourself and maybe hang out with people you actually fucking like I think you can get over whatever slump you're in.
Sagittarius: Hi fellow bad bitches!! We are sexy and also so in-tuned with everything around us to the point we might hurt our own damn fucking feelings, as fucking always because even in our prime and even when we are psychic we still have risk of ending up in trouble. I don't think we will as long as we make sure to keep an eye on those around us closer than usual. Other than that we are thoughtful and creative and sexy. As always.
Capricorn: Stop reading this and go pop ur pussy at the club. Like go hang out with friends stop working on whatever you are, its fine and it can wait and it will turn out fine, go hang out even if its by yourself. You'll make new friends.
Aquarius: You are a hot mess but you literally cant do anything about it, it is like out of your hands. I wouldn't go try to help or insert yourself because I think it could be a real cluster fuck if you do, but I do think you need to actually work on the ideas you're having while this is going on, not just to distract yourself but like I think whatever your ass is gonna do is gonna be kinda good.
Pisces: Look, you're really in-tuned with shit right now. I'm rooting for you even if I fucking hate you, but like we need to work on understanding out emotions and then sitting with them and then going on in life with that and REMEMBERING it as you go along and make new friends and connections, which you like will if you even step foot outside.